Learning Spanish: when to use tú and Ud.

In English, we address everyone as ‘you.’ Young or old, mother or senator – you, you, you. One of the fundamentals in Spanish, however, is the difference between tú and Usted (Ud.). I learned the different forms of tú and Ud. in school, but I didn’t realize that I had no idea how to apply it. Who is tú and who is Ud.?

I’ll always remember one of my first days in Chile when I addressed my host sister who is 26 as Ud. I thought that because she was a lawyer and a few years older than me, she should be Ud. Boy was I wrong. After a beating and a lecture, I asked her and a few others how I should use the two.

General rule: Use Ud. with people who are 20 or 30 years older than you. Use Ud. with your boss, mayor and important people in general.

The following examples are general guidelines of which to use with the following people:

Mom or Dad: tú; most kids use tú when addressing their parents. Often times kids automatically use Ud. with everyone except their siblings and parents. This brings a sort of informality into the relationship between parents and children. It all depends on the family, however. I know a few families in which the kids use Ud. with their parents, maintaining a sort of formal relationship. Most kids use Ud. with parents of their friends unless they are good family friends.

Grandparent: Ud.; This falls in the general rule above. Grandparents are of an older generation so most grandchildren use Ud. with them.

Professor: Ud.; in 95% of cases, you should address a teacher as Ud. The classroom is a formal setting in which the student shows respect for the teacher. Exception: one of my professors in Chile was a 30 year old, casual guy who told us one day that no one can use Ud. with him. He told us that it makes him feel old. Obviously in this sort of situation, address the person as he or she likes.

Student: Ud. or tú; I have seen teachers use both tú and Ud. with their students. It depends on the distance the teacher wants to keep with the student. In most cases the professor will use tú except in formal prep-school type settings like the one in the Chilean film “Machuca.” I worked at an orphanage for girls in which all of the women who helped out addressed the girls (6 or 7 years old) as Ud. to sort of recognize that they were not their mothers.

Taxi driver: Ud.; For taxi drivers, waiters, generally people who you are in business contact with, you should use Ud. This is different, however, depending on the friendliness and the age of the person.

When you decide to use tú or Ud., keep in mind that tú begs for a sort of informal relationship, more of a friendship. Using Ud. keeps a personal distance from the other person.

When in doubt, it is always better to use Ud. first and then let the person correct you. If you start with tú when you should use Ud., the person is much less likely to ask you to use Ud..